Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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