I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
