just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
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