And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
