So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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