Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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