you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
