my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
