Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
