I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
