Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
its liver damage thursday
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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