all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
