The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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