i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
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