Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
