tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
