I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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