Got a toothbrush?
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
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