My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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