A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
