Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
