Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
