I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I deserve this hangover.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
