how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
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