i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
