I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
