She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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