I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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