i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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