I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
