okay pat passed out under dana's car
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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