would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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