I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
