The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
