Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
