In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
