oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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