Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
