he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
