My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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