iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
