That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
