and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
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