Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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