i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
