I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
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