Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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