I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Randomize
