Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
