Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
