the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Randomize
