I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
