so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Randomize
