I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
