The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
